Arrowhead bottles stupidity

There it is, hour glass-shaped, shaped like a well-fed woman. It’s the all-new, environmentally amorous Arrowhead drinking bottle. That’s right everyone. There may be a giant fucking island of plastic refuse floating in the North Pacific gyre just off the Hawaiian coast, but if you buy this bottle shaped like a 1940s pin-up girl, you are a squeaky-clean member of Mother Nature’s own personal escort service. If the TV ads aren’t lying (and I believe everything I see on TV), drinking out of one of these will cause a piece of foliage to grow out of the top of my skull.

I’m not going to preach to you people. If you weren’t semi-intelligent you wouldn’t be on my goddamn friend’s list. So allow me to rant slightly about the formidable wall of stupidity that descended upon this country the moment a water company began selling plastic bottles as though they were the answer from heaven on high to everything from global hunger and climate change to male pattern baldness and peanut allergies.

Plastic is a big environmental problem. It is a problem whether it comes in the form of a shopping bag, a cell phone, food packaging or a voluptuously-shaped water bottle. Just ask the sea birdies that die of starvation because they mistook the stuff petroleum shat out for food, or the turtle caught in the ringlets left by Joe Six Pack’s six pack. Or ask the scientists who say molecules from plastic are entering the food chain and wreaking havoc on health.

Drinking filtered water trucked into your local Ralph’s from God-knows-where out of some stupid bottle with a waist made from all kinds of poisonous chemical processes producing all sorts of pollutants is not going to make you Mother Nature’s bitch. For this exact reason, anyone I see drinking out of one of these Arrowhead bottles is an automatic douche. Period. Because if you’re going to fuck up the environment with your wasteful consumer ways, at least do it right, like I do. Be a man and buy a real damn water bottle, you sorry bitches!

Or get a frigging Sigg bottle. If you’re going to go out and buy crap from those shitty Arrowhead douche bag corporate assholes, save your hard earned pennies and buy a non-plastic, reusable Swiss creation or any other stainless steel drinking bottle. You can find them here:
http://www.mysigg.com/
or at Whole Foods.
I got sick of being a wasteful dumbass hypocrite, so I dropped $24 on a 1 liter stainless steel bottle. Not bad.